Alright, I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, and I finally have sometime to actually sit down and think it through. For those that know me in real life {apparently this isn't real life?}, you'll know that I'm pretty shy..well, when I'm uncomfortable and feeling awkward, which is about 72% of the time I'm out in public. Honestly, I just don't know what to say to people most of the time. Seriously, that's the only problem I have, I just don't know what to say. I'm so much better at writing down my feelings, a la..I have a blog. When I speak, I say things in the wrong manner or my words get all twisted, and I learned during my time as a teenage girl that saying what you feel is true might not always be the best way to go about it. I'm self-conscious. I'm afraid I'm going to offend someone. I'm afraid people will judge me. I'm afraid that I'll say something wrong. I over analyze my every word. These things are constant. It gets so heavy.
This also means dealing with my ridiculous communication skills can be rough. I'm so happy I have Curtis. He's so much better at communicating than I am, and he helps me along the way. Even if he does hurt my feelings sometimes when he calls me absurd for not just spitting it out. But, I still have struggles. Telling him about this blog was really difficult. I don't know why, I just thought he was going to think it was crazy, weird, odd, strange, vain, all of the above. I put vain in italics because honestly, it is the one thing I'm most afraid of when people do actually start finding out about this blog. I've only told Curtis, my best friends, and Curt's sister, oh, and my mum, but that was before it actually started. I just don't want people to get the wrong impression about this blog; it isn't so I can go out and take a million pictures of myself (I kind of don't like doing it anyway..so awk), it isn't so I can show off all of the "cool" clothes I have (even though they bring me some happiness), it is not because I want people to like me and follow me and think I'm super awesome/cool/pretty..that's nice, I appreciate it if people do think those things, but it just isn't about all of that. This blog is about me and the things I enjoy.
Part of the inspiration for this post was from this post Kendi, from Kendi Everyday posted on her blog when she first started out. I was curious about where all of it started for her, being like blogger royalty and all. I was so surprised to find that she too had reservations about telling people in her life about her blog, simply because she was afraid those around her where going to think of her as vain. Not to mention, in the comments section, there's a lot of big name bloggers that commented on how they felt the same way. Mind you, this was a few years ago, and none of them were nearly as popular as they are now. Crazy. That's all I could think of when I read it. Crazy how these people, that seem to have an overabundance of confidence, felt like little ole' meek me.
But really, I love shopping, I love crafts, I love beagles way too much, I love photography (even if my dumb camera never gets repaired), I love Christ, I love writing down my thoughts, I love meeting new people (even if I am the most awkward person you ever meet), I love being an inspiration. Does that make me self-obsessed and vain? I don't really think so, but maybe others will. I've cried about all of this you guys, cried. I'm a pretty emotional person anyway, but it was a bit of a stretch for even me. But after lots of prayer and meditating on it, I've decided I love blogging, and I'm not going to quit just because a few people may think I'm ridiculous. There will always be people out there that think those kinds of thoughts, no matter what you're doing.
But, I also want to translate this new found courage I have over to my real life. It'll be really difficult, I know that, but worth it, and Christ will help me every step of the way, that's something I'm certain of. He has so many amazing plans for me, and I just have to break out of this constricting, self-imposed shell I've created.
I'd like to leave you with day five of the 30x30, and a few wonderful verses that I've leaned on in years past, but haven't implemented in my life near enough. I hope you find courage and comfort in them just has I have.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your GOD will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. 1 Timothy 4:12
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
Since courage is the whole theme of this post, I thought I'd wear something pretty courageous today. That scarf is really from the dollar store, and yes, I'm totally wearing it as a shawl/jacket type thing. I was rather nervous about it when I was walking into class and later when I went to Hobby Lobby, and sure, I got some weird looks. But, I like it, and it doesn't matter what others' opinions are about what I'm wearing. As long as I'm modest and feelin' cute, I'm happy. Plus, I'm totally digging the Southwestern style revival, and this totally felt like it. I think it's the boots..So cool how a simple item like a scarf can amp up an outfit in seconds. All I did was unfold the whole scarf and tie the corners together so I had arm-holes. What do you guys think? Yay? or Nay?
Have a fabulous Friday ladies, it's finally the weekend!
_____________________
Scarf: Family Dollar
Black Tee: Target
Skinnies: Gap
Booties: Gianni Bini (on sale!)
Nail Color: Hong Kong Sunrise by OPI
______________________
Oh, we got our feet on the ground
And we're burning it down
Oh, we got our head in the clouds
And we're not coming down
Song of the Post: Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys
You are so totally cool. I SO wish we could hang out "in real life" and talk about our awkwardness because see, I have this weird thing where my brain is going 100x faster than my mouth so I sometimes stutter when I'm speaking super fast and get all excited and fall all over my words. AND you posted literally ALL of my favorite bible verses!! Jeremiah 29:11 is permanently inked on my left wrist :)
ReplyDeleteI also have struggled with telling people about my blog...I've only told my closest friends and even then I'm worried what they'll think. Honestly, I do it for FUN. I do it to meet awesome fellow bloggers (like yourself!) and really just have a place for creative outlet. My best friends actually think it's pretty cool that I have a blog and they no longer make fun of me for taking pictures in all my outfits every day ;) The people who matter most WILL support you. And as long as you're not making the blog an idol in your life and are not revealing yourself in an immodest way, I really don't think theres anything wrong with having a fashion blog.
If you every stopped blogging I'd be super duper sad :( SO please dont do that!! hehe
-Jenna Brianne
wearablefunfashion.blogspot.com
I most DEFINITELY with we could hangout in real life!! :)
DeleteMaybe we could, road trip? tehe! That'd be so awesome.
I stutter too, it's really awkward and people are like..uhm, what just happened? lol. So glad you love those verses too, they're definitely my top five favorite of all time! I so totally agree, doing this blog for fun is just so much..fun? Ha, I can't think of another word. Actually, Curtis was like, uhm, what the heck? That's ALL you had to tell me when about?! When I told him about the blog. He thinks it's really cool, even if he doesn't really want to read about clothes and crafts all the time. So that was a relief :)
I'd be super sad if I stopped too, so don't worry about love! :)
xoxo
you're such a special blogger and such a remarkable person, kristina. i definitely know what you're feeling, but in a slightly different way. for almost the first year of my blogging, i only showed my blog to people i knew because i was so terribly intimidated by the blogging community. it wasn't until a few months ago that i started commenting and connecting with bloggers i followed and gaining followers myself. i love having a relationship with the people i follow, which makes sharing the things i do on my blog so much more rewarding. i'm so glad you posted this and i hope for more of this kind of bravery because you're such a friggen rockstar, girl!
ReplyDeletexo nicole
ps. come to austin asap pls.
pps. oh, and i love your outfit.
:)
DeleteThank you, Nicole. That means so so much. Truly though, it is such a relief that I'm connecting with people that are so kind and compassionate. And yes, I will most definitely come to Austin as so as I can! I'm only a bit over an hour away, woot!
xo
I am so glad you started blogging and I can completely relate to not wanting to talk to anyone you know in real life about your blog - none of my friends know about mine :)
ReplyDeleteAs far as this outfit goes, I am OBSESSED with the way you wore this scarf. I need to find the right scarf to try this with, I love how yours tricked me into thinking it was a fancy shirt.
Nicole @ Sequined Patterns
Awh, thank you Nicole. I'm glad that others feel this way too, its really encouraging to know I'm not a crazy person!
DeleteAnd yesss! I'm happy you liked the scarf! I was feeling inventive last night, and though, huh..this looks kinda cool, maybe I should wear it! :)
xo
super cute look! love that shawl and of course your boots ROCK! hey, welcome to fashion & faith! be sure to check out the new fashion & faith pinboard http://pinterest.com/lindseyherzog/fashion-faith-bloggers/ xoxo linds {{www.rubygirlblog.com}}
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ruby! :)
DeleteI'll be sure to do that!
xo
You know what...some people are more shy, quiet, introverted, and don't know how to articulate/communicate/express their feelings really well. And that's OKAY. Some people are more social, extroverted, get along with everyone, communicate really well, etc.... And that's OKAY too. There are different kinds of people. And there is nothing wrong or awkward or absurd about you girl:)! Never EVER feel that way! We should never feel inferior because we're not a certain way. Everyone is different (and that's what's beautiful)! Your strengths may be another person's weaknesses. You may be an amazing listener/observer/advice giver etc:). While the other person just likes to talk their head off and never listens. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is...A) I completely understand where you are coming from....I hate social situations and I'm as awkward as they get (I know I just contradicted myself). B) But (and a big one) there is nothing wrong with us:)! And we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. We're our own worst critics and if we don't love and accept ourselves for who we are...then others won't either! Do what you love girl and always remember that you...your very existence is enough:))!
ReplyDeleteBtw....thank you for your super sweet comment on my blog! We are definitely soulmates:))!
Thank you so much for the sweet and encouraging words, Rita. They really tugged at my heart strings, and struck a chord (musical references..? lol) within me. Thinking I'm inferior has definitely never been in the forefront of my mind, but I knew once I read your comment, that that's what I've been feeling. Why on earth should I think that?! Just because I'm not the most outgoing person in the room doesn't me I don't have anything to offer.
DeleteAgain, thank you, Rita. I needed that, girl!
xo
Just so you know, awkward people are my favorite kind of people. I'd so much rather hanging out with someone who can laugh with me about the retarded stuff coming out of my mouth (because yes, most of it doesn't make sense either). Who wants to hang out with someone who's got it all figured out and is all cool, calm, and collected? Okay... so maybe I'd hangout with them too! Haha but awkward people are just better.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! Don't ever stop blogging because of how people may think you are! (Does that make sense? ...see I say awkward things)
I started my blog so that the people in my community could see how you could dress yourself in thrift store finds and not spend very much, so that being that, everyone and their momma knows about my blog so I feel awkward sharing certain info too.. like info I know the blog world would love to hear about but the people I know think it's weird that I sharing it... idk lol
Welllll I think that's the longest comment I have ever written. :)
<3 danielle
Thank you sweet Danielle :)
DeleteI really appreciate it! We can totally have awkwardly worded conversations any time you'd like (such as that sentence because it's just really odd sounding in general..lol). I'm so glad you girls are so supportive! I means so much!
xo
Thank you for this amazing post, Kristina. I, just like you, have difficulties saying things. I'd rather shut up than risk a fight, will I explode, obviously.. Luckily, just like you, I have a special someone who is there to help. From my experience I can see that communication skills become better with time (or age, if you will..) and experience. And of course, it's always nice to accept yourself with all your qualities, no matter how they look in other people's eyes. And of course, there's your blog, and you're a very special blogger!
ReplyDeletexx
Tali
www.RockMyHeels.com
Great blog you have here, the pictures are wonderful and the content is the best. :)
ReplyDeleteAwh, thank you so much!
DeleteThis was one of the best, most perfect posts I have ever read. I feel exactly the same way when it comes to blogging. I really just started because I love clothes and needed a hobby. I liked the idea, but did not like the idea of everyone and anyone knowing about it. It took me a while to start blogging regularly and then things just sort of took off. It took me forever to tell the people closest to me (including my boyfriend of almost 6 years) because of that whole vain aspect. I mean, I never even told my very best friends (they both found me on pinterest...oops!). To this day, I'm definitely more confident and a little more open about it, but I haven't really let the world in and made my blog as personal as I would like it to be. Thank you for giving me the inspiration to be more personable and share my life through blogging (life stories, likes, dislikes, my love for Christ :) etc)...I mean if I'm going to go for it, why not go for it all the way? Thanks again, you're awesome :)
ReplyDeletexo Ashley
Twenties Girl Style
Just love the courage it takes to share with so much openness Kristina! Thank you for sharing those verses. I especially connect with 1 Timothy 4:12. It's and incredibly encouraging verse. As a blogger I totally understand the desire to blog and express yourself, not from a place of vanity at all. I don't know how old you are but be encouraged that the older you get the more you grow into your own skin and gain more confidence. Ten years ago I was sooooo shy and I'm so thankful the Lord continues to build us up. I'm so glad I came across your blog and am very encouraged by this post!
ReplyDeleteI love your bravery with the scarf. Despite any weird looks you may have received, I think it's super cute! I didn't even realize it was a scarf! AND the fact that you found such a cool scarf at the dollar store is awesome.